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7 & 1/2 Acres |
2004-04-27 - 11:55 a.m. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. In telephone calls with my folks, my mom especially, she'll type things like ugh, or I'm laughing, or, haha. It's in type through a TDD so it's not the same equivalent of that e-mail talk (whatever that is called). Anyway, ugh. UGH. UGH. UGH. It's not a big deal but fuck. I don't like to have anything be anything but perfect. This is in reference to one of our better clients and the mistake made was mine. It was oversight and procastination and we plain fucked up. Too many damn balls to juggle and this is the one that got dropped. The good thing is it's all over. The ownership is done. The phone call has been made. I do hate this. Ugh. We're not there yet. I think we might of been getting a little mighty in our seats with some of the contracts we've been landing. It means we've still got to be scrupulous in our oversight and in our service. I swear, you can't get cocky in this damn business. I mean cocky. There's too many other folks waiting to snatch the jobs out from your bag and it can also fuck things up. I cracked a drive way once--cockiness. Will dropped a tree 90 degrees to where he wanted it to go--cockiness. It's not easy to always be so on, so focused on the task. It's even harder for me to be so on, so focused on the task when the day is done and the task is to call such and such. That shit, for me, sucks. The vent is done. I'm returning to calm. I hate that these storms have been fucking people up all over the place but I have to say I'm thankful for this day at home. And tmrw. Britt, I've been thinking about you a bunch. I sure hope you and Ron and sweet Elijah are getting on alright. Your folks too. And your cats. I've been having dreams about friends past. T and B have featured in two. I long for them. I think it is truly them, and not the idea or nostalgia of them. I hope they are well. B and H have also starred in these dreams. I also hope they are well but feel like the threads shared between us have worn and faded to insignificance. The bonds are cleanly gone and what's left is just the good will I would wish anyone. Molly and I have been social here lately. It started with S who returned to the area and who I had out to feed, chat, and walk with. Then we hosted together M and A. We went to town to dinner with C and P. And I've had M back to help here at the house. Quite an amazing thing to imagine that I can actually be social and interesting and interested. This, I mean, outside folks I already feel close with--and what few of them there are! That I can have people to visit and share with and not have it exhausting but actually enriching. The wonders. Last thing I want to make a note of here. Kenny B and I must of talked for near an hour the other night after getting up hay. The fella is a fundamentalist and I've got major issues with his views (and perhaps all fundamentalists) but we reached common ground--that of respect and kindness to your neighbors--regardless of what they may think. It was quite fascinating and a bit touching listening to his devil waiting at the door step story. I'm half tempted to make fun here but then what would I have learned and be practicing. I'll say this, though I was hearing Kenny's testament as story telling and knew that it was a matter of language and structure of myth in his life, him telling me this story, I was on the edge of my seat, gripped, as he shared with me. I could relate in my own way, but of course, with a completely different belief system and word choice. Bill Moyers would of gotten a kick out of it. The end.
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