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7 & 1/2 Acres |
2002-09-01 - 4:52 p.m. August 30th, 2002 So, sometimes I fancy myself as this farmer--Farmer Dean. In fact, I think I'm pretty good at it--at doing the necessary things that involve farming. The predominate thing is priorities. For instance, you've got to make sure the barn's cracked and sagging beam is jacked up and repaired before you plant a flower bed. You also, want to go out and fix this beam without spending an eternity pondering how it is going to be done or without an abundance of labor or materials involved. But, you also want to do it right, so that it doesn't need to be fixed again in five years. This is the stuff I am pretty good at--especially when it's not on my own farm. Especially when it's at my folk's farm. You see, as I mentioned previously, my parents are the ones who introduced me to farming. They did this more incidentally than directly. My father grew up on "Ten Rocky Acres" in the Ozarks. That was his childhood home which he soon left for an education and immersion in the Deaf community in the state schools for the Deaf. He became Deaf when he was ten. He has said that his becoming Deaf is what saved him from a life following his father's footsteps pumping gas at the local service station. His present day return to his "hillbilly" roots is something that he is proud of. I imagine he is able to be proud of that heritage and of that interest in the workings of the land that his father passed to him now that he is a very publicly accomplished man. All of this irks me. This is not some lament about how my folks were accomplished and this put undue pressure on me--and boy, how I resent them for it. Rather, what I am talking about, and what my father embodies, is really this pursuit of the American Dream. Broken down, whatcha got: 1) kid rises against the odds from an impoverished, rural, and backward way of life 2) kid becomes monetarily and socially successful. 3) kid buys a place in the country to retire to and rest and play now that his hard work is done--reap the rewards of a rich and productive life. 4) kid continues a circle of ignorance by purporting to know something about the land that he now plays with. 5) kid's personal role in this rural economy that he has moved to grows exponentially--all his peers move to the area too. The local cost of living rises to accommodate these accomplished from the country folks and the people who live there have a hard time of it. Or, they get wealthy selling land or building indulgent homes for these invaders. 6) and it is all ugly. This is what I'm upset about. Perhaps if these folks were making a softer and considerate impact on this local area I'd be a bit more understanding--I doubt it. I read this thing recently in a Wendel Barry book, What are People For, in which he describes an action he did on his land in which he leaves it damaged. He always wanted to have this hill side pastured so he put in a pond on this hill to water the cattle an it washed away in a rain storm. He fucks up his hill. He pronounces his mistake as a common one--"too much power, not enough knowledge." This statement underlies this construed and dead end American Dream ideal. With this said, what I'm coming here for is something else. Perhaps what it is that I'm hoping to do is keep my power in check--by keeping this journal I can document and evaluate my thoughts, plans, aspirations, etc. Make sure what I don't end up doing is fulling some version of the American Dream--cuz it ain't mine. There's better ways. I used to have this Highway Man album on tape that I'd listen to all the time. Recently I've been listening to the song "Los Deportees" on this mix tape that a friend gave Frances. ??damn, I'm not remembering her name (Odetta), sings "Is this the only way to grow our good fruit." It's awesome. It is also awesome how many native plant web sites there are. Even the Federal Government has something on board. This give me hope. Back to my pronouncement last time about wanting to go into farming. I have this real hang up with accomplishing things. I feel like I do, but perhaps things are going fine and what my hang up is is actually with being content with things. I'm all the time putting this pressure on myself to do something and accomplish something and it's kind of like this constant head trip. As a result, I very rarely pay attention to the things around me, what people are telling me, what I read, what I see. My memory sucks. I can be very self absorbed.
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