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7 & 1/2 Acres |
2004-11-20 - 8:32 a.m. Ok...let's put these words down. My mood has already lifted somewhat. Seinfeld was on NPR this morning and told a joke about Neil Armstrong's toothbrush on loan to the Smithsonian. It made me laugh. And having laughed, the storm cloud has started to clear and I'm able to see the day for what it is--a day here at home! This past week was tough. All week I moved with weights on my legs being still weak from the bronchitis. Finally yesterday, the weights came off and I started to feel like myself again in my own body--I even had the energy to play a bit and did the fireman's pole on a poplar from about forty feet up. Just before the ground, I dug the spikes in and skid to a stop--it was a blast and had Will and me laughing. But the drive home gets me. Flat, wears me out and drains me. Leaves me slumped, blue and depressed. The morning drive in wears on me a bit but it's not so bad as I like the time to think and wake. Once the day gets going, it's not so bad either. I get annoyed at anything I percieve as inefficient but I usually get over that relatively easily (or fix it). The work out is always nice and the time always flies. Except on the drive home. It is then that I'm not sure this is for me. That I spin and question whether that is all or is there something more my suiting. I want the answer to be clear and all encompassing. The answer answers all--the question of life's pursuit, pays the bills amply, is satisfying and good, globally conscious but locally active, creative and giving. And the answer fits with what we want, with our home life, our family, and the animals, and the land. And so, I have one year. Then I shall decide. I'll see where it goes this coming year, what it means to me. How our crew grows and what our home base is like and what kind of realtionship we have with our associates. The house will be finished within the year and Molly's job will be even more established and defined. After this year, next Thanksgiving sometime, I'll ask the questions again. What is it to me, how does it nuture my life, and is it where I want to be. Then, it will either be change or stay the course. My life is good and I feel very blessed. It is this place, my occupation which I'm unsure of.
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