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2004-11-03 - 8:09 p.m.

The dark ages are upon us. Here has risen the fucking antichrist--in Christ's name with the people's support.

I knew it would be this way. I couldn't watch the polls come in. I slept a fitful sleep and dreamed of the coming reality. The horror when I woke. The sickness in my gut.

I truthfully did not know how I'd be able to function today. How I could face my two colleagues and avoid flat out decking them because they didn't VOTE (even if one of the fuckers would of voted for HIM). Fortunately, I had to drive to Winston so I had extra time to simmer, be, and think. Somehow when I got there, Will was immediately so nice and compassionate that I was disarmed and ok to be in company. When Travis arrived, he expressed sincere apologies for the loss and this made his company tolerable as well.

It is a loss. There was hope and optimism and a chance but now there is Bush. His name is all that is ignorantly ideological, immorally puritan, corrupt, and deceitful. It's amazing.

And, this is what out nation chose. Eyes wide open.

The commentators are saying that this election was on Bush's terms and on his turf and that the Democrats agreed to that debate. That they didn't appeal to their base--latino, black, women, and less than $50,000 a year, and older folks. That they argued with the Bush campaign on their terms, not for minimum wage, equal rights, or social security. That the Kerry campaign failed to connect with voters and who they really stand for. And so a large number of Americans voted for someone who is not in their own best interest.

Admittedly, I'm a little mad at the Kerry campaign for this--for their failure to state what they stand for.

Comparatively, I'm still much more disgusted with everyone who voted for Bush.

But the ignorance. The moral blindness of this country.

So where am I at? More directly, what am I going to do? How am I to live here in this climate?

Gary and Dawn, they can go fuck themselves. Ted---he's a blah anyway. Marv, I'll slam something in his face. Peg, I'll just avoid. Kenny--somehow I've got respect for him. He's alright even with his fucked up beliefs. I think he's alright because he sincerely wants to find common ground. I'm wondering about Mr. William. Our relationship has been tense ever since our Kerry sign went in the window. We talked about it but perhaps we didn't talk quite enough. I'm thinking a breakfast might be in order.

Robert stopped in this evening and I'll admit even this--that it was nice to see him. I kept it brief, but nonetheless, it was pleasant.

I'm looking for purpose. What's going to be my role now that Revelations has begun. I'm fairly certain, it has to be here. In this dark day, I kept catching glimpses of a life that has me here working on my own difference in the ways that I know how.

Moral guidance that isn't insular and ignorant. Guidance as good stewards of this earth. Wendal Barry predicted it--that the only way the Kerry campaign was going to win this election was if they framed the debate in moral and religious terms--that that was how people were going to vote and sure enough...

Oh to persevere these dark days.

before - after