7 & 1/2 Acres

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2005-02-05 - 4:32 p.m.

In Melissa's most recent entry she says something like, " I was dumb to go and loose all of my friends and now I'm in the process of re-acquiring the ones I still have." (Forgive me Melissa for the misquote). Boy, do I feel like I know what she means! I reckon that about says it all. Thank you Melissa!

I'll add this. Sometimes I feel like, Boy was I dumb to have squandered THAT opportunity. I've squandered a bunch.
But then I might be in a place without Molly and these dogs and cats and these Pigs! And the view along Mill Creek Rd this morning, everything bare and brown or a yellow and able to see so far.

(In the pictures Melissa sent everything was so green and lush and close. And this is part of why I so love it here.)

Anyway, there is this: I could simply be a papa bear (when we get there) and grow our own food and watch after the animals (and the five goats and six chickens and what about a single cow?). I could make furniture to sell and drawings of animals and this rural life. I could apply for grants. I could make compost and worm juice. I could do odd jobs. I could be a part-time arborist--or one for hire for consultation. I could go to work as a carpenter and learn the housing trade. I could do a few jobs in MD if things got really rough (but if I'm thinking positive and creative and smart, they won't--good ole Robert Schuller! (I am kidding here but lately in regards to Will, I'm about half serious--the boy has been on one hell of a negative kick. That or he's always been like that and I'm just now opening my eyes to it)). I could teach Art or ASL or something else maybe! I could always substitute for hundred bucks a day (is that what they make?). I could drive a truck, I could volunteer, I could maybe organize. I could interpret. There is plenty else I could do. And, we could always move. I could finish the house, get a job in Chicago (brrrr but the tree companies are always hiring there with good pay and benefits--a temporary gig in a worst case scenario!) or Atlanta (ahhh much better). I have not burned all bridges and not lost ALL friends. I could do a residency.

These are the things to remember. I'm not trapped. There is immense beauty here. There is happiness here. There are possibilities. If I wait the course, there will be more possibilities. This is in pursuit of freedom.

This is the other thing I need to remember. People are who they are. There is no changing other people. The only thing I can change is myself. I must accept ole wilbur for who he is and how he operates. I must not judge or attempt to change him in any way. His life is his business. I've got enough to worry about with my own life. I have to remember this: What motivates me is different from what motivates him; we do not have the same aims and goals for this enterprise; our goals are similar and compatable enough that this partnership might work; this partnership will only work if I honor myself.

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