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7 & 1/2 Acres |
2003-07-25 - 12:46 p.m. So, so, so, so, so So I just got done doing this volunteer tree job for a non-profit community center and I'm on the way to the library to go and visit molly. I'm feeling a bit discontent--things been going on to get me going back down this old road but things are different, but they will soon be the same? This probably ain't making any sense here but I think I know what I mean--y'all readers will just have to skip this entry for the most part cuz it's mostly notes to myself--reminders about certain things, old things happening again. Anyway, I run into Ron. I see it coming, him across the street and I even think about turning around before he sees me, nope too late, gotta face it. But it's good--not that it wouldn't be good, just I hate the talk sometimes, the people, the interest. But I tell him what's up and he's with me, understanding what is and he's thinking about big changes himself--about settling somewhere else and he says, and I believe him, for me to keep in touch. We shake hands, him with both of them. Alright, this doesn't mean a thing but it does. It means a bunch, perhaps. Cuz my thinking this morning, I was on the tree trimming track--I'm talking about the mind set, the money making, the customer base, the employees, and it had me a bit discontent. It's not a life that can fulfill me. I run into Ron and he reminds me, inadvertently, about all this other stuff that I know I'm capable of but keep putting off. And, that he's thinking about moving elsewhere came to me in my Way of the Pilgrim thinking to be a sign, or a gentle kick in the ass. Do this or not, here is someone who has put himself out there for me and who has stated his wish to help however he can. I've beat around the bush, not followed through, and not pursued many of these offerings. Seeing him placed the question What Am I Going To Do back on my plate. I'm in a different place now and do not have the urgency to figure this out. But, I do know I don't want to do tree work forever. My body keeps telling me that. I've had bursitis this week and the tendons in my hands have been tight and ache. So, what's it going to take? Am I going to do this? When and how? I had dreams, I cut my hair, shaved it close, without the guard and knicked myself a few times but it was a necessary act. Self cleansing. I looked rough but a dirty, scrubby, and a little bloody kind of clean. I was walking through fields, at points there was snow on the ground. At one point, I was with Basho and Molly. Then it was with these two other fellas I didn't recognize but who looked from another time period--a period of weathered travel and exploration. They could of been fur trappers. I saw Chewbacca down in this field, off in the distance. At first, it was the action figure, but then it was the real thing. It was cold, but the cold felt good. The dream was like the movie Dera Uzla (ahh shit, I'm getting this wrong--it's on the tip of my tongue but won't come. I have to go look it up). That's the end.
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